Last week, a friend of mine gifted me a candle in the shape of a female figure - bright pink, head to toe. She said the pink reflects self-love, and told me to burn it on a Friday - carving out the time for myself to journal, read, dance, cry, stretch.

Two Fridays later, it was time to make space for my candle-burning ceremony. As I watched the flame, I did some meditating, stretching, and eventually reached for my journal. I wrote - we are all about ceremonies that commit people to one another, but what about rituals that commit us to ourselves?

I have struggled with patterns of over-giving and self-betrayal in relationships. Growing up as the eldest sibling encouraged this quality in me early on, often putting me out of touch with my own needs and desires. Being raised in a society that portrays the ultimate form of love as committing yourself to another person through ceremony, I’m sure did not help either. It’s frustrating, to feel like my natural inclination is to place others wellbeing and peace of mind above my own. Over the last year, I’ve been putting these over-functioning tendencies into question, and doing everything I can to rewire my nervous system to feel safe putting me first.

So, as my gaze fell lazily upon the flame of this pink figure, I thought about how powerful ceremony and symbolism are - how impactful they are on the human brain. What if I continued to harness the power of ritual and used it to regularly practice committing to myself? Perhaps intentional ceremony would make it easier for my brain and body to recognize we are putting ourselves first now…even if at first it makes me feel like my intestines are trying to crawl up my throat and out my mouth.

I hope that my hypothesis might be true - that the self-commitment ceremony makes it symbolically clear to my system how the purpose in this lifetime is actually to commit to myself, to being the fullest expression of me, to having the community around me that honors and uplifts that. The self-commitment ceremony is signaling to my system that I can in fact just exist and be worthy of love. That I can in fact be imperfect and be enough. That I am inherently worthy of attention, love, care, play, exploration.

For many of us, life is a journey of learning to choose ourselves over and over. As we grow, the choices might begin to look different than we ever thought they would. When we get an internal nudge in a certain direction, we might say to ourselves, really?? Sure enough, the yes will come. Yes, really. This is who you are now. The past you, old you, might not have even dared. Was too afraid. But this you, now you, is the type of person who makes this choice. Brave, courageous, in touch with your own inner guidance. Trusting of your inner guidance, as you’ve committed to being fully yourself over and over.

So, go ahead and try it out. Light a candle, journal, read, dance, cry, stretch - whatever feels good to you in the moment. See how a self-commitment ceremony might impact your life. How it might seep into the rest of your days, in the little choices you make to put yourself first, and how it might feel more cozy in your body to do so.